Wow I'm finally pregnant! A baby the size of a poppy seed, by the time this is posted poppy will have transformed itself into a tangerine. (poppy seed to mustard seed to sesame seed to pea to blueberry to raspberry to cherry to kumquat to fig to lime to tangerine). What better way to describe my baby than in terms of food on a food blog! Wow so surreal! I wanted to write this while it was still fresh, so I can express all that I am feeling!
I feel like I have run a marathon for the past 15 months! I started off fresh with a baby to be born early September 2012, I was over the moon, we had just started trying, that month! That wasn't supposed to happen it took us 6 months to fall pregnant with Israel I was expecting the same. But when I saw the two pink lines I was over the moon, it was like I had drunk a six pack of energy drinks at the beginning of the race. On new years day 2012 we lost our much wanted baby and that was like hitting a wall. I couldn't breath, I was devastated and months of mourning were to follow. Some of my darkest days. Words cannot explain the emotions that are felt when you lose a child. And yes I am one of those people who believe a baby is a baby as soon as they are conceived!
From there it was an endurance race, and I was getting tired, physically and emotionally. Exhausted of not falling pregnant, exhausted of not having answers as to why things were not happening for us, exhausted from the emotional torment Things I could not change, I wanted my children to be close together in age, and that was just getting further and further apart.
To finally get a positive test, in a month when I did not expect it was a breath of fresh air. It is so good to be able to breath again! It's like being dumped under a wave and fighting and struggling to find which was is up, finally breaking the surface and taking that big deep first breath.
All I can say is that after my hysterosalpingogram/HSG it cleared out my tubes as I fell pregnant the week after, I finally found my answer.
I'm going to be a mummy again, my little man who has been so clucky (he has called all his small teddies baby) over the past few weeks is finally going to be a big brother. And what a fantastic big brother he is going to make!
So here is to the end of November a birthday present to me! A baby to hold, oh how I cannot wait!
|We got to see our baby clapping today :D|