JIREH'S BIRTH STORY

It has taken me a while to write Jireh's birth story, mainly due to a lack of time. But here is our story.

My last midwife visit we had determined that bubba was posterior, I had booked an appointment with my osteopath that afternoon to try and shift bubba. That was on the 6th of November.

On the 13th of November I had another osteopath appointment and a much looked forward to massage but at around 1:30 am I woke up with a few mild contractions. I brushed them off as braxton hicks and pre labour which in my last labour started two weeks before Israel was born. I thought while I was up I would go to the bathroom to save another middle of the night trip and wake up. When I got there my waters broke on the toilet (thank-goodness) and labour was starting.

I called my midwife as I was considered high risk attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). She said to wait it out at home (which was contrary to what I had been told all throughout my pregnancy). My contractions had stopped and I was trying to get them started again on the fit ball. At about 2 am the midwife called back and said that after she thought about our conversation she thought it was best that I head on into hospital for observation. We started to gather a few last minute things and pack Israel's bag so he could head off to his grandparents house for the night and the remainder of the labour and few days after birth.

We arrive at hospital and my contractions had all but finished. I climb the stairs to the maternity ward and I feel things pick up again. After I lie of the bed and am hooked up to the monitor things stop AGAIN. I'm waiting in this room the size of a bathroom for 11 hours, it was dark and had no windows and I could barley move. I made hubby have a nap so he could regain some energy, after a full day of work and only a couple of hours of sleep, I knew it was going to be a long night for both of us. After a few hours on my feet rocking to music my contractions were becoming regular and intense. I called the midwife back and she determined I was in labour - FINALLY.

Here is my only complain with the hospital. I was in the know you midwife program, which is a small and sought after program offered by my hospital. It's where you see the same midwife for you whole labour and then she is there for the birth. She had appointments that afternoon with some more of her clients so I was left there to labour by myself, the contractions became so intense that I needed to call for a midwife - but it was a busy day at the hospital and they could not spare one. I was alone and in pain. This was much worse than my previous sons labour which was drug free until the very end where the midwife suggested pethadine to help my body stop bearing down, as this was causing swelling and ultimately an emergency cesarean. A midwife must have felt sorry for me because she kept popping in, she was amazing! So basically I was lost in the system for a couple of hours. Not fun when your in need of help.

My back up midwife finally arrived and I instantly disliked her (I then warmed up to her after things calmed down a bit). She was strongly opinionated and so was I to how I wanted my birth to go. I was eventually in tears and physically ill as I worked through the pain. I was continually told that a posterior labour was incredibly painful. I didn't believe them, I thought it would be a little bit worse, but as my labour with Israel was more than bearable I never prepared myself for what was to come. It was intense and there was not a break between contractions, but body was bearing down and bubbas head was pressing down into my tail bone. Through each contraction I would scream in pain. I felt bad for any other birthing mummas, if they had planned a quiet peaceful birth they were not getting it.

After a couple of hours I couldn't deal with it anymore and as each wave contraction ended (I only had a few seconds between each one) I would tell my husband that I couldn't do it anymore that I needed pain relief. He would always say it was up to me, that if I needed it he would organize it. An obstetrician was called to check on my progress, and she could see my body was bearing down. She said because of the outcome of my last birth she would advise that I have an epidural, as I was only at 5 cm, I couldn't agree more. She thought that with pain relief my body to rest and release some of the pressure on my cervix so it wouldn't swell again.

The anesthetist  was called and she couldn't come soon enough 20 minutes felt like 2 hours. It took her several goes to get the needle in my spine. Each time she would apologize and asks if it hurt, no was my answer, the contractions were more that making up for the lack of sensation as the needle hit my bone. The overall process of numbing the lower half of my body took well over an hour. And once the drugs had been inserted, the pain was not diminishing like I thought it would. I thought these things were supposed to give relief of pain. The pain I felt was still worse that the worst of Israel's labour. I was out of my groove, there was no rhythm as I tried to breath through and concentrate my way out of the pain, a method I found most effective in my previous labour. Add to that the fact that I couldn't move around but was stuck in a sitting position didn't help the matter of pain of position of baby.

The numbness was moving up my body, yet I could still move my right leg, and was still feeling all my contractions. I was still using gas to try and make my way through each contraction. If you had asked me after my son's labour if I would do it again, I would happily answer yes, even an hour after I had experienced it. I had a great experience. Yes it hurt but it wasn't hell. Through this labour, I would see my husbands hand and have the urge to bite his fingers off, the urge to throw things across the room and the urge to yell F@#$ as loud as I could. Nothing like Israel's. I had to wait an hour until the anesthetic wore off enough to give me a top up. It finally worked but I was high as a kite (which was apparently quite humerus to those around me).

Over then next four hours I was able to dilate to 9 cm. It was past midnight. My waters had broken nearly 24 hours previously and the staff were getting antsy. They don't like high risk women to go over 24 hours with broken waters. I was given 1 more hour to progress, for baby to rotate before an emergency cesarean section was booked. That hour came and went and I was hesitant for them to book in the cesarean, knowing what it would mean for future pregnancies and labours. (I will write more about my feelings on my body failing yet again in the near future). What convinced me that we needed to move was that baby's heart beat had been slowing down. I finally agreed that a cesarean was the best way to move forward in this labour, knowing that I did everything that I could do.

The cesarean went smoothly, I was anxious, not in a bad way but because I was about to meet my much awaited baby. I was crying for most of the procedure.

Jireh (God will provide) Samuel (I asked God for him) was born at 2:37 am weighing 2980 grams (6 pounds 9 ounces) and 49.5 centimeters long.

BEER GOGGLES

Oh how it was painful. I was warned that a posterior birth would be painful. I didn't believe them. I was having bad thoughts, thoughts of biting my husbands fingers off, throwing things across the room and dropping the F bomb as loud as I could! I am pleased to say that although I thought them none eventuated!

I was offered gas. The gas provided a minor distraction.I had thought about asking for an epidural for quite some time, but being the stubborn woman I am was trying to persevere, to fight the pain. The thoughts then lead to me asking my husband for it, for quite a few contractions, his response was is that what you want - I don't know what I want. Repeat.

It was not in my birth plan. I wanted to labour naturally like I did with my first son, even though his birth led to an emergency cesarean section. It was such a peaceful, easy labour. When the obstetrician offered it to me I did not hesitate. She said that if I continued the way I was, I was going to have a repeat of my last birth, as my body was bearing down, putting pressure on my cervix, which could cause it to swell, leading to another obstruction.

The anesthetist was called. 

The gas was starting to work. 

The room was black. 

There were white spots everywhere. 

It felt as though I was going to pass out. 

I was pleased. 

If I passed out the pain would disappear.

The anesthetist arrived.

It was like she was walking in slow motion.

With soft flowy hair.

She was stunning.

She took my breath away.

And then I stopped sucking on the gas.

And reality hit.

She wasn't some young exotic breath taking woman.

She was past her prime, the wrinkles were deep, her hair was dry.

I had been wearing beer goggles.

NO SHOW AND A TALLY CATCH UP

Sorry I have been a no show on here! The last few weeks of pregnancy were an exhausting few, with many chores that needed to be completed before we brought our new little man home. And then when I thought I had at least a week to go, my waters broke 1 week before my due date! I will post our birth story in the coming weeks.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD JIREH SAMUEL BORN 14TH NOVEMBER AT 2:37AM WEIGHING 2980 GRAMS OR 6 POUNDS 9 OUNCES AND MEASURING 49.5CM IN LENGTH

23/9/13 - 1/12/13

64 eggs
347 grams onions
1235 grams leeks
2315 grams silverbeet
344 grams parsley
10506 grams broad beans
113 grams capsicum
11 grams thyme
295 grams loquats
507 grams artichokes
163 grams chili
2082 grams rhubarb
337 grams celery
321 grams carrots
947 grams beetroot
3010 grams garlic

TOTAL 64 EGGS AND 22.533 KILOGRAMS OF FOOD

SELF CONSCIOUS & CO HOST FAVOURITE THINGS LINK PARTY

This week I am so excited about co-hosting the favourite things link party with Jenny at Sippy Cup Chronicles! This is a chance to show off your favourite post or your favourite thing! So come along and join us and link up!

I love my baby bump, it has to be one of my favourite things at the moment! A constant reminder of the new life within me that I am soon to meet. A precious, miraculous moment in a woman's life! The way a woman's body changes and adapts to create and nourish and grow is amazing!

With my first bubba I was uncomfortable and not enjoying all the wonderful things that pregnancy is! But after struggling to conceive baby number 2 I have really come to embrace this pregnancy and everything that comes with it.

But in saying that there is still the self conscious factor. No matter how much I love my bump, I am well aware that I have put on some kilos, I am not the tight and perky 23 year old that I was when I was pregnant with my son, things have expanded, sagged, aged. It's hard not to be self critical about it, pointing out my flaws. I suppose that is human nature now, with mirrors everywhere and celebrities bodies which seem to rebound days after giving birth.

But that is all natural, it happens to everyone. No body is the same after bearing a child.

So here it is - My 30 week Bump! AND I LOVE IT!

BaByQ INVITATIONS

I have made the BaByQ invitations and they are ready to be handed and posted out! I am so happy with the way they have turned out!

I wanted to finish the invitation off with something unique and true to the party's theme. Whilst preparing to bottle the BaByQ brew I found a pack of bottle tops in an unopened bag that had somehow gone rusty. Then I had a lightbulb moment, and thought of ways to use them. I decided to flatten them out with a hammer and then punch a hole in them with a nail. Very easy and can be done by anyone. Everyone will have the materials available to them to do this. You can buy plain bottle caps from your local brew shop, department store or supermarket. Make them rust by sanding them lightly with some sandpaper and placing in salted water overnight, and them allow to rust. I was 'lucky' that we had some pre rusted. Double over some twine and thread it through the hole and then loop it over and wind around invitation and finish off with a simple knot. Very effective. 

Flatten bottle top down with a hammer by gently banging around the edge of the top.

Punch a hole in the top with a hammer and a nail. 

CRAZY

I am exhausted.

Renovating exhausted.

The house is a mess.

A bomb.

Please don't pop in for an unexpected visit.

I don't have any clean clothes.

They are all dirty.

Or don't fit.

So I may be in my holey trackies.

Or like today my jimmies.

It's too cold and wet to wash.

My inside line is full.

The clothes have been hanging for half a week, refusing to dry.

REFUSING.

ALL I ASK FOR IS MY COMFY UNDIES TO DRY.

Is that too much to ask?

The back yard looks like someone has been digging for lost treasure.

As soon as we make some progress, something else has to go wrong.

Like the bloody drainage.

I curse owning my own home.

I curse owning my own home for the past 6 years.

Damn It!

I am over renovating.

I think I said that already...

Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones talking.

Or maybe it's because I am inhabiting less than half the house.

A space smaller than our first house.

Which was T.I.N.Y

tiny

My child is sleeping on a mattress on the floor in a living area also used for storage.

Because 3 out of the 4 bedrooms are being demolished, plastered, or painted. 

Oh Lord we are hosting a huge party in less than 9 weeks.

Get me a paper bag while I hyperventilate.

Breath. Breath. Breath. Breath.

I have bitten off more than I can chew.

I am getting closer and closer to the end of this pregnancy.

And I am feeling heavy.

Heavy as in I struggle to walk up stairs because someone is hitching a ride reverse piggy back style.

I am scared that my nesting instincts are about to kick in.

Or maybe they have?

That's the part where I go crazy.

Like crazy to live with because I can't handle the mess.

The dust.

The crap everywhere.

Oh Lord, crazy just like this post!

STRUGGLE CITY

I have promised myself and everyone else that I wouldn't complain about this pregnancy, and I can assure you this post is not a complaint. But I thought I would share with you how I am feeling now I am 23 weeks pregnant. Yesterday was a tough day for me.

Let me explain. I tend to harbour feelings of anxiety whilst pregnant. Before I fall pregnancy (catch this oxymoron) I become anxious about being anxious in pregnancy. Why, because it can get really bad, so far I have experienced it in all three pregnancies, and know that if we are to have any more children this is something I will face again. It’s something that disappears after childbirth (or miscarriage in the other case) so it’s not an everlasting fear, just something I know I will have to face and battle in at least half of my pregnancy.

It generally only affects the times I sleep but yesterday I got to experience it during the day, twice. There is nothing for me to be anxious about at the time being, we are infact in the middle of renovations, but they are all going smoothly and I have all confidence that we will finish them before bubba Will is welcomed into the world. The anxiety I feel is usually associated with nothing. Boring I know. It comes on in times of rest, where I will suddenly jolt up and have a mild panic attack.

I have noticed that each time this has started has been when my blood glucose has started to peak. I tested during both times of anxiousness yesterday and both of those times I was a little high (I hadn't waited the full two hours after a meal to test, it was more like 1-1.5 hours, but I was interested to see if it was high during anxiety). It is also triggered during times of sickness, my son has a bad chesty cough and I have gotten the cold end of it, making it harder to breath (on already restricted breathing). What possibly makes it worse is that I tend to become claustrophobic, so being unable to breathe freaks me out.

I have found a number of ways to combat this though, not all of them are possible at certain times, but they definitely help when I can do them. The first is exercise, I find the distraction and endorphins help calm me down and settle me for quite a few hours, this can be as simple as a 10 minute walk. Obviously I can't do this at 4am in the middle of winter but if I find that this is a reoccurring thing I may be inclined to relocated the treadmill out of our bedroom into another room where I won't disturb anyone if I need to go on a quick walk. Another of my coping mechanisms is to call my hubby up and have a chat, again this is not always possible, sometimes he is with a client or in a meeting or in the middle of rendering a wall and is unwilling or unable to talk. I’m also not sure if he appreciates the 4am wake ups either to talk about ‘stuff’ just to get my mind off whatever it is that is keeping me awake. Playing music has helped me in the past, although this was to relax me if I was struggling to fall asleep. I may try a hot bath before bed if all else fails.

Have you encountered anxiety in your pregnancy? And if so what have you found to help you overcome it?

BIRTH STORY OF ISRAEL

I thought I would share Israel's birth story, it will be long so I apologize. I started having contractions at about 38 weeks, I would have days where I thought 'this was it' but after 6-8 hours my regular contractions would fade away. Days would pass and then the contractions would start again.

At 40 weeks and 3 days I knew this was it. The contractions weren't different to the other, not stronger or more regular, but they had not ceased after the usual 6-8 hours. They had started the previous afternoon but were not strong enough to keep me home, that night I had gone out to dinner with friends and managed to keep the contractions under wraps.

The next morning before hubby left for work I asked him for a hot water bottle and luckily he wrapped it in a towel, I had been up since 4am which wasn't unusual as I had had pregnancy induced insomnia for quite a few months and 4 am was when I usually woke. I had a feeling things were going to start that day but thought it would start much later that day or night!

An hour after he left things started to progress with the contractions getting stronger and regular, by memory I was getting 4 or so in 10 minutes. So I gave him a call at 7:30 am and told him we were going to have a baby today. He asked if I wanted him to come home from work and I said no, it was more than likely that we would end up at the hospital that night, so no need to rush and the contraction were more than manageable and I was still in bed reading.

Half an hour later I felt a bubble, and thought that was weird, and then a moment later and felt another one. So I felt back and my pants were wet and my first thought was 'I'm pretty sure I didn't just piss myself' Then it clicked my waters broke and luckily it didn't gush all in the bed otherwise we would have needed to replace it! I managed to shimmy out of the bed and put the towel on the floor before I stood on it.

The contractions were picking up, not excruciating but I needed to focus and just my luck I had run out of phone credit so in between contractions I had to ring up and purchase some more. Then on the phone to Paul telling him to come home so we could go to the hospital and then a call to mum to let her know we were having a baby today! Off into the shower and threw some last things into my bags.

On the way to the hospital I wanted to swing past the local bakery and pick up my favourite treat a kind of baklava snail covered in cream patisserie with almonds on the side and cherries on top. The midwife said I could eat anything once labour was in full swing as I had gestational diabetes and needed to control my diet. I didn't end up eating it as I had just lost my appetite just after we purchased it.

When we got to the hospital I was monitored for half an hour or so, and they confirmed that labour was in full swing and got admitted into the birthing suite at around 10am. I don't remember too much in regards to times, but I do remember that I didn't want to be touched (back rubbed) and that my eyes were closed for all of it (I remember opening them up at one stage and thinking wow it's night time now) I only spoke a couple of words hot, cold, drink; hot i wanted the blanket off and cold I wanted it on.

I started off on the floor on my side as that was most comfortable, but because I was lying down my contractions were not progressing and had stayed the same for 4 hours, so I got up and moved around and then they intensified. At this stage I had begun to push, and some of the contractions were pushing for me - hard to explain but my body was taking over.

I asked to get into the shower as I was starting to feel the pain in my legs and the midwife suggested the bath, and I agreed. Once in the bath I found it quite uncomfortable, mainly because of my height and my legs are too short to push of the end of the bath so I found myself slipping under the water and my focus on the contractions were broken. The midwife informed me that she had called the water birthing midwife and if I didn't want a water birth I needed to get out now as this baby was coming, so I did (I think this was around 2pm).

I got back to the birthing suite and my contractions were piggybacking. She checked to see how far along I was and noticed that my cervix was completely swollen so she asked me to lie on the bed with my bum in the air to try and reduce the pressure and hope for the swelling to come down. I stayed like this for hours.

The midwife came and told me she wanted me to have some pethadine so my body would stop pushing, the next few hours are a blur, I don't remember the pethadine helping pain wise, but more so in making the memory hazy, something I don't like and will be refusing it this time around. After the pethdaine had worn off a couple of hours later she tried me on gas, which is useless in pain management.

There was no progression after all those hours of pushing and my contractions were still piggybacking, the midwife called the resident obstetrician in at 7 centimeters. This is where I understand where women like to have home births so that there are no unnecessary interventions. Not only was the resident rude to me (I highly doubt she has ever been in labour) but also to the midwife that was taking care of me.

When the midwife told her to stop taking while I was contracting and that I was piggybacking she just spoke over her and continued to talk at me. When my contractions stopped I told her that I wasn't listening to what she was saying while I was working through the pain (which had escalated to an all time high at this point, mainly to the fact that I was unable to focus and work through the pain, instead being distracted) I told her to tell it to my husband.

After what felt like forever of poking and prodding in places a stranger should not prod let alone poke, she told me I needed to have an emergency cesarean section. I wasn't over the moon about this information as you can imagine, and tried to delay the fact. I had come so far and it was all a waste of time and energy. My concern was that if I had said yes to this caesar, would it mean that I would require an elective caesar for the rest of my births? The doctor informed me that what was happening was not indicative of future labours, that it should be a one off. What was happening to me was that my whole cervix was swollen, not allowing bubba to come down into the birth canal. The cause of this was said to be an obstruction (although now taking to my midwife and physiotherapist I have a strong feeling it has to do with my pelvis and it not being aligned properly to allow bubba to come down, instead causing pressure and swelling).

So off to theater I went (just about in tears). When I got there hubby wasn't allowed in until I was all prepared. Having a contraction and having someone stick a needle in your spine is a lot of fun - insert sarcasm here -. Not because the needle was painful (it surprisingly wasn't), but because I had to sit in a position that was uncomfortable to me, having to sit still, and not having your support there. I asked one of the attendants that had wheeled me in if I could hold on to him while I was contracting, he politely obliged.

The pain relief that followed was amazing, amazing in the way that it worked so quickly and you could feel it flow down your body. Just before I had been given my spinal block I was feeling the pain due to all the distractions around me. Hubby was finally allowed in, and I remember saying to my anaesthesist that I could feel that my leg had fallen off the table, he didn't believe me saying that I shouldn't be able to feel a thing. It wasn't that I could feel it per say but it was more like when you have really bad pins and needles and you can't feel touch but you can feel the weight. I could feel the weight of my leg dangling off the operating table. After more and more insisting, he finally looked and then started interrupting the surgeons, 'her legs fallen off her legs fallen off', hubby thought that he was taking the micky out of me but in fact my leg had fallen off the table, a strange sensation.

What followed next was a lot of tugging and pulling, my whole body was being rocked and rolled, and then finally I got to hear and see my baby boy. The first words out of my mouth where he has little curls (although you can't see them in the pictures they straightened up when his hair dried off)! Then hysterical crying and laughing! Israel Jarrad was born at 22:07 weighing in at 3050 grams.

This is one of the only pictures I have of Israel after he was born. All my photos were stored on my laptop which died and has yet to be recoverable.  Below are pictures from his 3 week old baby shoot. 

GESTATIONAL DIABETES

I was stubborn and refused to take the gestational diabetes test. Diabetes run in my family on my fathers side with my grandfather diagnosed with type 1 and my father with type 2. I always knew it was a possibility that I would have gestational diabetes but thought drinking 70 grams of glucose wouldn't be a good thing for me or my baby. I had a nagging feeling though and said to myself if they have an opening for the test tomorrow morning than I will get it done. Low and behold they had an opening and I went and had the test performed. It tuned out that my sugars were 7.1 when 7 was the cut off for being diagnosed with gestational diabetes

So what does this mean. Well all the nurses but one told me that if I couldn't control it that I would have a huge baby and that I would need to be induced or have an elective cesarean section. Both of which I didn't want. Only when I question one nurse to why my belly was measuring smaller since 20 weeks did she say that sometime you can have the opposite and have a smaller baby when you have gestational diabetes.

The dangers of gestational diabetes are not life threatening. The risk that they are scared of is your baby ending up in special care, which no new mother wants. She wants to be with her baby and take her baby home with her. Babies can end up in special care because of gestational diabetes because of a drop in blood sugar caused by high sugars in the mothers body. When mum has a spike in blood sugar her hormones are blocking the insulin from working (this is why after mum gives birth gestational diabetes disappear in just about every case). So baby has a rush of sugar and their insulin works and rids the sugar in the blood. After giving birth the baby is still producing high amounts of insulin but there is no more sugar coming to the baby and the baby goes into shock from this, thus needing special care.

I was told to express milk prior to giving birth. I didn't know this was possible as I thought your milk comes in after baby is born. But it's possible, I was advised not to use a pump as this can cause engorgement and was explained the process. I froze the milk and this was used to supplement Israel after the initial feed and helped keep him off formula (although I think the nurse snuck a formula feed in without asking my permission. I would have preferred to feed him myself).

This time around I am not going to do the gestational diabetes test. I have a blood glucose monitor and will test 2 hours after every meal like what was recommended in my last pregnancy. If I find that it is getting above 7 then I will eliminate refined sugar and white carbohydrates from my diet and if I am not already will up my exercise. I know this will cause controversy with the midwife but I do not want to drink 70 grams of glucose after fasting all night again. And last time I had a blood test to confirm this pregnancy I passed out for quite some time and had to get my mum and dad to come and drive me and my car home from the doctors office.

BABYQ STUBBY HOLDERS

We are having a BaByQ to celebrate this baby! Last time around I had a traditional baby shower in pink when I needed blue. I thought I would share the design with you! I will be posting more about the BaByQ as it get's closer to the date (13/10/13).

A BaByQ is a non traditional baby shower where the dad stays and couples are invited.  It is basically a barbeque baby shower in a very relaxed setting with none of the usual games.

I was lucky that the company I ordered them from vista print are having a sale at the moment and that I also had an additional 20% off voucher so these worked out super affordable! Plus I chose snail shipping as the shower is still a few months away and I can wait the 21 days! For 24 stubby holders I was charged $62.62 including GST and postage! These will be our party favours with one per couple.

What do you think?

ADVICE FOR ALL NEW MOTHERS

I have a friend who is about to have her first baby! Exciting times you would think. Not always. For some new mums to be is can be an anxious time. I suffered from anxiety with my first and short second pregnancy.

You see pregnancy hormones make me crazy.

So much so that my husband threatened never to have another baby with me because simply I made his life hell. I was an emotional crazy pregnant lady. I was anxious about many things, silly things really. Things like 'this baby is never going to come out of me and I will be pregnant forever'. I mean really, have you ever heard of anyone being pregnant forever.

You see crazy! 

Crazy and irrational! 

I would wake up in the middle of the night and just worry, worry about who knows what but at the time they made me so sick with fear that I couldn't go back to sleep. I was worried for the baby because I had gestational diabetes, because I did or did not eat this or that, because I refused to take multivitamins because my diet was and should have been adequate to support new life. I was worried because I had a cold, that it was hard to breath, would I ever get better or would I be sick forever.

Seriously...loop d'loopy

But at the time all those anxieties and fear and worries were legitimate  And no one talks about this, about how pregnancy hormones can make you crazy. Now I'm not sure if all pregnant women experience this? But I certainly did and I know other women do too. So if you are a new mum to be, stop worrying it will all be okay. Once you give birth your hormones will return to normal (I didn't suffer from baby blues, once I gave birth I was my normal self.)

There will be many people who will give you advice on how to parent  but my only advice is to follow your instincts and trust your gut. Parenting is inbuilt and you will figure it out. You will figure out how to hold you baby, how to change their nappy and tell when they are hungry or tired. Don't read millions of books trying to find the best answer they will frustrate, confuse you and add to your anxiety. Instead if you are so inclined stick to one book that you like the feel of, but if you think that your way might be better or if something else is working for you that stick with that.

I am happy to say this so far this time around I haven't been hit with anxiety, I did have one 5 minute episode but nothing like I had previously experienced. Hoping it stays that way :D

AND........

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!

we got proof this time, there is definitely no mistake!

other than that all is going really well, baby is healthy and growing well!

LOVE AFTER A BROKEN HEART

How do you love again after your heart has been broken? I have to admit this time took longer that the last. But once I saw my baby my heart exploded and I have been falling more and more in love each day!

After speaking to a few of my friends that have lost before, they have confirmed that their husbands seem to get over it in a day or so, where we tend to take much longer. It took me 6 months to fully grieve the loss of our baby. Never getting to meet them, hold them, nurse them, name them. And it's not just the baby that you grieve for, it's the hope and dreams for them and your family as well. It was a long process.

But allowing yourself to fall in love after miscarriage is so important, as hard as it is to do. You just have to put fear behind you and allow yourself to love. It's the first stages of bonding, to get you through labour and the crazy shift in hormones that occur afterwards. A friend of mine, one of the first people I told, once said to me, if she didn't miscarry her first, then she wouldn't have her twin girls now. Such wise words. If I didn't lose then I wouldn't have gone through this amazing journey that has changed me and my perspective, from one that hated pregnancy to one that is fully embracing it and loving it to the fullest! One that is so totally in love with this baby, a baby I wouldn't have if it weren't for a miscarriage.

I love my bump!

DID THEY TELL YOU YOU WERE HAVING A BOY?

To find out the sex or not to find out, that is the question.

We have our gender scan in a few days and had you have asked me this question in my first pregnancy I would have without a blink of an eye told you YES! I love to be organized, and what better way that by finding out, so I could organize a wardrobe, the room, a name anything baby related! So at 17 weeks and 5 days, the earliest I could I went down and had the ultrasound - IT"S A GIRL! took a while to sink in as I thought we were having a boy from what my heart was telling me. For the next few months I would randomly wake up in the middle of the night having a minor freak out, what happens if it is a boy and everything baby I own is pink? At 36 weeks due to a gestational diabetes diagnosis, a rookie doctor had a freak out, at the first appointment I had with her (at 36 weeks). My blood sugar number were slightly higher than the rest that I had recorded, but were still low. I was always measuring 2 weeks smaller from about 20 weeks so was never worried about having that HUGE baby everyone was warning/trying to freak me out about. But she seemed to think I was big, I wanted to tell her to go back to school as all the midwives told me my belly was small and I didn't look as pregnant as all the other women in my antenatal class who were due after me. Plus I'm short so nowhere for baby to hide! So she ordered an emergency ultrasound, to see if I needed to be induced. I wasn't worried and took this as an opportunity to see my baby once again. That night lying in bed, I said to my husband, I'm going to ask her to confirm the sex....just in case.

We arrive at the appointment excited. The first thing the radiographer asked me was if I had my dates right as I was measuring small... I know my doctor freaked out for nothing, but it was a blessing in disguise as when I asked her to confirm the sex she said 'DID THEY TELL YOU YOU WERE HAVING A BOY?'


Did they tell you you were having a boy????????


So you can see my hesitation. That week I had finished packing my hospital bag, finished the room and had all our baby girls clothes from 0000-1 washed boxed and labeled. My last month of sitting on my but and getting fat was now thrown out the window and I had to strip the room and start all over again.

So to find out or not to find out? Do I find out later so the test is more accurate? Do I take boy as yes we are having a boy and then a girl as either or? Do I tell people, or do I keep it hush? Do I tell people if it is a boy and not if it is a girl, do I just have a surprise as I have enough boy and girl stuff to last me to a year of age? This time I am not so anxious to find out and do not have a gut feeling.

A confession at the 12 week I asked the radiographer when it was safest to find out because of our story and he said he could tell us then (although his statistics are 1 in 100 wrong) so without hesitation I asked him to tell me.  I was told what I was having, but am unsure weather to believe or not, I don't have a feeling like I did with Israel, although a few weeks ago I had an inkling but that has gone away. I don't know if it is because of what happened with Israel or not.... We shall wait until Monday afternoon, all will be confirmed - or not...

MIDWIFE

When I was pregnant with my son I saw a midwife and loved my experience! I was hoping to be able to do it again this time around, but because I had an emergency cesarean section there was talk that I wouldn't be able to see one, instead using an obstetrician. I'm sure obstetricians are fine but I find that they can be a lot more closed minded about birthing options. I am going for a natural drug free birth as I did last time (last time the midwife told me to take pethadine so I would stop pushing as I had been for 5 hours with no progress). This time I am hoping that won't need to happen (we found out that he was stuck due to an obstruction, the whole cervix had swelled and there was 'no hope' in getting him out naturally. I would have liked to keep trying but once the doctor came in chaos came about, the midwives were much more relaxed about things happening naturally and baby's heartbeat was always strong and I was still doing well). The doctors would talk at me while I was contracting, and if you have ever been in labour before you would know how important it is to let the mother be and allow her to work through the contractions, the midwives on the other hand waited till they were over and then spoke to me, they even tried to tell the doctors to let me be but they just shut them down. I had no idea what the doctors were telling me and I would have to get my husband to tell me once I stopped contracting. They wanted me to lie on my back and that was excruciating, I was much more comfortable on my side or my hands and knees, something the midwives embraced and encouraged. 

As I am going for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) I need the attendant to be as open minded (without endangering mine or my baby's life) as possible. I was pleased to find out that my local public hospital offers midwife care even to mother's who have had one cesarean, as long as they are considered low risk (which I am). I thought I wouldn't be considered for this program as I also had gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy and that mixed with a c-section I thought I would be ruled out. 

The hospital recently closed it's family birthing center (where husbands can stay overnight with mum and bub, in their private ensuite room) This is something I really wanted for my first birth but the program was already full with a large waiting list when I booked (so I used the regular birthing suites still with their own ensuite, but they didn't have a bath, instead a communal one and if there was someone using it you just had to wait - I was lucky and was the only person birthing that day). I tried to get in again with the baby that we lost but wasn't considered because of my previous birthing experience. This time around they shut the center down but in it's place have opened a know your midwife program where you get to see the same midwife for each visit and she is at your birth delivering (friends who have birthed at this hospital and just used the regular midwife program told me they never saw the same one for each visit). Such a sensational program (and everything is free - including ultrasounds). Last time I was lucky to see the same midwife for every appointment as I had gestational diabetes and she was the diabetes educator, but she didn't birth anymore due to a workplace injury.

I am so excited about this program and think my midwife is great! She is very open minded to what I want in my pregnancy and labour. If you can, consider seeing a midwife for your birth!

NOTHING PHASE

I am currently in the nothing phase. No more morning sickness and no movements! I cannot wait to start feeling little bubba kick in a couple of weeks time! The only symptoms I have is fatigue in the afternoons and hunger (oh and mood swings if you consult with my husband, but I just tell him to shut up hehe). I suppose the reason I am looking forward to movement the most is because it still feels so surreal. Is there really a baby in my belly? I have been wanting this for so long that it feels weird not to be wanting anymore and move into the next phase of this is actually happening! Don't get me wrong I am totally excited, I just find I have to keep reminding myself that THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!

BAZOONKAS

WARNING THIS POST IS ABOUT LOVELY LADY LUMPS, IF YOU WILL BE OFFENDED STOP READING ....... NOW!

I have always been well equip if you get my gist. But they were lovely and perky, and I could wear strapless or backless dresses with ease and no support. Let say they were Cute to Decent. But when I fell pregnant things inflated and a week after he was born I was Ginormous but really needed Humongous intervention, unfortunately Humongous was not stocked. So after months of feeding things went south in a bad bad way. My lovely mid 20's Cute to Decent twins were looking more like granny's jiggly bits. I found it hard to wear nice clothes and would often hide my body due to extreme embarrassment. But now that I'm pregnant things have filled out again and it's awesome, They're still crazy like Everest but I look my age again! So for the next year or two I will enjoy my lovely lady lumps before they retreat back to granny's jiggly bits :D

WHAT'S IN A NAME

It takes me a long long time to find the suitable name for our children. Of course my husband and I have to agree, but the main deciding factor is the meaning. It must have a strong Christian meaning behind it, with great integrity and strength and character. This cuts down our list quite a bit. The list of useable Christian names are short.

The reason why we do this is because Proverbs 22:1 says 'A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.'

We chose our son's name Israel because it means

• God rules
• God commands
• God orders
• God judges
• Triumphant with God
• Who prevails with God
• Be strong
• Have authority over

When I speak his name I am speaking the meaning.

As a prophetic name, Israel (originally Jacob) means to prevail and succeeded. He had contended for his birthright and succeeded (Genesis 25:29-34) (Genesis 27). He had contended with Laban (the father of his bride) and succeeded (Genesis 28:10). He had contended with man and succeeded. Now he contends with God and fails. Therefore his name was changed from Jacob to Israel, 'God Commands' to teach him he greatly needed a lesson of dependance on God.

So here is to a 6 month journey in finding the right name for our baby!

CRAVINGS

Oh the cravings! The weird and the wonderful! With Israel it was grilled fish and passionfruit for the first 12 weeks, this time well lets just say the list is vast!!!! From tinned spaghetti, to chicken and leek pie, to KFC crispy strips with potato and gravy, to chicken, chicken and more chicken, to vanilla slice, to never wanting to see another chicken again to steak, juicy juicy steak. But the weirdest for me (and hasn't been satisfied yet) is capricciosa pizza WITH anchovies - I HATE ANCHOVIES. ~BUT~ here is the obscure bit. I don't want it to come in a cardboard box, no that won't do. I want it to come in those old school circle recycled cardboard paper mache carton with a separate base and lid receptacle. I am yet to find one local but when we went to the great ocean road I saw someone walk past with one and have been thinking about it since! What has been your most obscure pregnancy craving?

This is the offending pizza and receptacle  from Shannons in Geelong West, I saw someone walking past with it and wanted it so bad (I still do - hmmm to drive 2.5 hours to buy a pizza or not???)!

DRAMA QUEEN

The other night I was craving satay chicken skewers with peanut sauce and roti bread...........droooooooool! My husband was going out that night so I asked him to get me some take out for dinner, so this energy depleted mumma could relax somewhat! I thought you all could laugh at me and my mellow dramatic ways! I promise I am not always like this but I react badly to pregnancy hormones and become a little......CRAZY! So my lovely husband came home with my food....but it wasn't satay chicken skewers with satay sauce and roti bread.............drooooooooooool. No it was satay curry - vomit. I'm sure it's lovely when you have a normal appetite for food but it just made me want to cry, and cry I did! So laugh away! I know it wasn't a big deal but it was I was looking forward to my satay chicken skewers and peanut sauce with roti bread..............droooooooooool!

What have been your crazy pregnancy cravings and did it have to be specific (like satay chicken skewers with peanut sauce and roti bread but not satay curry with roti bread)?